TheMacMommy

“I have Fibromyalgia. I’m happy on the outside. Personally, on the inside, it’s pure Hell. I don’t have a death wish and I don’t want to kill myself, but somedays I feel trapped in my own skin and I just don’t want to be alive. Sometimes, I’m convinced that being flattened by a huge boulder would feel much better. I love and I can feel joy, I just can’t maintain it. It’s depressing. It could always be worse and sometimes that’s what I live for. I hate that my kids see me like this. Sometimes I kiss them and hold them and stroke their soft hair and skin just hoping my love might make up for all the days I don’t play with them outside. I hope they have at least some fond memories of me when they grow older. If not, I try to leave crumbs of my happiness behind for them to find later. I want to outlive what’s been robbed from me by pain and illness. I could rest in peace knowing they’d see my light after I escape this dark shadow that follows me around.”