TheMacMommy

Lucian is loving being a big brother and he is very proud. He’s still adjusting, but he’s happy for the most part. He really loves his baby brother and gets excited whenever he wakes up. Keagan, of course, still sleeps a lot. When he isn’t sleeping, he’s eating or making dirty diapers. There isn’t a whole lot of awake time just yet, but it’s coming. I’m trying so hard to savor these moments while he’s so little yet because I now know just how very fast it all goes by. Sometimes it’s hard to sleep because I just want to hold him, stare at him and watch him sleep and grow.

Nursing has been a challenge but I know we will make it. It was harder the first time around and we got through it. This time it’s just frustrating and when I’m in pain, my patience runs thin. These last two weeks I have been exhausted and had to go to the doctor to be treated for it. I’m still not getting the ideal amount of sleep, but at least I’m getting better at trying to grab it when I can. My goal is to get at least one four-hour nap in each day. So far I’ve only accomplished it a couple of times, but it’s better than none. I think I’m getting a little bit better at managing my milk supply which is one of the issues that has been keeping me from sleeping. Most of it is from anxiety. I have a hard time asking for help and relaxing. My joints stiffen up while I sleep and I always wake up in excruciating pain so I get anxious about waking up before I even fall asleep because I don’t look forward to the pain.

When I nursed Lucian, my milk supply was average. I had just enough and was always feeling like I had to work to keep my supply up. I felt especially threatened when I went back to work full time. This time, it’s completely different. I’m staying home, so I’m at least relaxed about that part, but this time, I’m actually overproducing and overwhelmed by it. I sort of got myself into a little trouble because I was pumping too much and didn’t realize it. I was just doing what the lactation consultant told me to do, but I don’t think she realized just how much milk I was producing! I was so paranoid about getting mastitis like I had last time so I kept pumping to drain myself. I kept getting backed up, so I kept pumping and ended up with a huge surplus of milk now stashed in the freezer. I’m not exactly complaining, but I just think back now and probably could have handled it a little differently. I guess I just went into autopilot mode and did what I knew to do from the last time which was keep pumping — keep the milk moving. I never expected to be able to produce so much and now I’m working on trying to scale it all back a bit. The tricky part is trying to do it without getting backed up so much, which is very painful and makes it hard to sleep.

Needless to say, Keagan has checked out very well with his first two pediatrician checkups. He’s gained one pound and grown an inch in just one week’s time! He’s now 9 lbs., 10 oz, and 20 inches long.

I miss blogging and socializing, but I need to lay low for a bit longer so I can fit in time for resting and healing. I still have lots of projects and podcasting planned so I have much to look forward to. I do need to socialize from time to time and keeping in touch with friends and family through facebook and other social outlets has been really good for me. We’ve been out of the house a couple of times besides doctor appointments, but I realize it’s easy to overdo it this early on.

I’ve been cleared to drive short distances, but still don’t feel all that comfortable with it just yet. I still have some painkillers I take occasionally when the pain is too much, but I try to watch it. I know I shouldn’t be on the road without sufficient sleep. Walking and standing for long periods is still painful, but I’m working on it.

Overall, I’m happy with the progress I’m making because it’s been better compared to the first time, but it’s still frustrating how long it takes to recover from a Cesarian Section at my age and for how out of shape I am. I do feel a lot more prepared this time around and have some better coping mechanisms in place.

For now though, the top priority is sleep, so good night!