I'm a Goofy, Geeky, Multimedia Mom on a Mac Mothering Others on Macs and other iThings.
So, I was going though some app settings today and thought I’d check in on Tumblr and say hey. Still trying to figure out what to do with this space. Did some tweaking.
“I have Fibromyalgia. I’m happy on the outside. Personally, on the inside, it’s pure Hell. I don’t have a death wish and I don’t want to kill myself, but somedays I feel trapped in my own skin and I just don’t want to be alive. Sometimes, I’m convinced that being flattened by a huge boulder would feel much better. I love and I can feel joy, I just can’t maintain it. It’s depressing. It could always be worse and sometimes that’s what I live for. I hate that my kids see me like this. Sometimes I kiss them and hold them and stroke their soft hair and skin just hoping my love might make up for all the days I don’t play with them outside. I hope they have at least some fond memories of me when they grow older. If not, I try to leave crumbs of my happiness behind for them to find later. I want to outlive what’s been robbed from me by pain and illness. I could rest in peace knowing they’d see my light after I escape this dark shadow that follows me around.”